I know, the Sims. If you know literally anything about me, you probably know my obsession with the sims. It’s on my instagram, my snapchat, around my room, sitting on my desk. It seems like the video game is everywhere I am.
Where my parents and siblings see a waste of time, I see a way to make life a little more bearable. I’m one of those people who doesn’t forget the life dreams that are impossible. I wish I could disregard them as silly ideas and nothing more, but once I’ve started thinking about something it ingrains itself inside my head as a possibility. It will sit there to remind me — and pain me — that my life is nothing like what I pretend it is.
For one thing, my life is full of lots of stress and anxiety. Well, I suppose I can’t say anxiety since I’m not diagnosed, but its controlled my life ever since it arrived and I don’t see it leaving.
I get it around people. Not just people I’m intimidated by, or am trying to impress, or maybe I *Gasp* like them. It comes to me even when I’m with those who love and support me unconditionally. I can’t just speak to someone. I have to have a heart attack in my brain, spasm around the inside of my skull, sweat all over, and imagine them spearing me a million times as the conversation literally drags on.
But in Sims, my sim can walk up to someone and be best friends with them in an hour.
She can find love too, and have hundreds of children. Or maybe she wants to kill her enemy, or become an astronaut, or a bestselling author, or amazing singer, or internet sensation or … anything.
Now, I’m not crazy. I know that the Sims isn’t real life, and I know the things my sim does in this game are pretty, well, impossible. What I get out of this is the ability to pause time, to control my life, to imagine the possibilities. I can approach people I’m too scared to talk to in real life.
I’m not using this as an excuse to not be involved in my life. Or to strive for those unattainable goals. Or to talk to people.
I do this because, first and foremost, it calms me. No matter how crazy life is, I can always cheat myself some more money (and happiness)! Sometimes it feels nice to micromanage that little character, to see their life going exactly like what you’re trying to get yours to.
And second, it reminds me to keep going. Life may not have a ‘PAUSE’ button, or a ‘FAST-FORWARD’ button, but it does have a ‘QUIT’ button. And just like in the Sims, I refuse to push it.
I will never stop dreaming for the impossible, reaching for the unattainable, imagining the unimaginable. Life has so many possibilities, if only I hit the ‘MAP’ button and see everything I’ve done … and every thing I have left to do.